November Thanks

I know it has been forever since I've updated this. In fact it was a full year ago! I can't believe it. But it's time for the November of thanks, and that's something I like to go back and look back on later in the year. So I'm going to share them here too. And I'm going to try to do better at updating stories and snippets of my life here again, too. It is nice to go back through and look back at stories that might have slipped out of our memories!

Day 1 - A friend started me on this tradition of sharing the things I'm thankful every day in November. So in honor of that, I'm thankful for friends who are there through thick and thin. Friends that I can laugh, cry, vent and celebrate with. Friends that no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other, we can pick up like it was yesterday. Thank you too those that I am lucky enough to call a friend. 

Day 2 - I'm thankful to have a wonderful, loving, funny husband. A husband, that even after 13 years of being together, still walks beside me unconditionally and always tells me how beautiful I am. Thank you, Peter, for always loving me, even in my insane moments! I love you lots and lots and lots!

Day 3 - Today I'm thankful for that extra hour of sleep! After the last two week's craziness, I needed to sleep in one day!

Day 4 - Today I'm thankful for secretaries! I've worked almost full time in October and am booked nearly everyday in November thanks to secretaries calling me or finding me at their school to ask if I'm available on such and such date. December is empty, but even January is half booked. I've hardly had to log on to the online sub finder to find jobs. Love it!

Day 5 - I'm thankful for having the privilege to be a mom to my two wonderful, beautiful, intelligent daughters! Where else would I get the full on hugs, the pure joy and excitement just because I came home, the constant "I love you"s? Being a mother isn't always easy, but it's ALWAYS worth it! I love my girls!

Day 6 - Today I'm thankful for my first born, Natalie. She is such a loving, caring, intelligent, wonderful young lady. She taught me the importance and loveliness of a mother's love. Sometimes our relationship is more challenging than others, but I love you always and I forever will!

Day 7 - Today I'm thankful for my baby, Alexis! I thought I was an expert in the mother's love but when she was born she taught me that there is no such thing. A mother's love is different for each of her children. Alexis is constantly keeping me on my toes, she is funny, loving, genuine and whole heartedly a wonderful human being! She is my little sunshine!

Day 8 - Today I'm thankful for my mom. She is a wonderful lady and I can only hope I'm half the person she is when I grow up! I'm also thankful that she's a strong fighter and has beaten cancer three times now. I love my mommy so very much!

Day 9 - I'm thankful for the best sister anyone could ask for. We don't talk or get to see each other nearly enough for my liking, but I know that if I ever need her, she'll be there and vice versa. I love you kiddo!

Day 10 - Today I'm thankful that I have the wonderful family I have! I get to be myself and they love me in spite of that! They are a bunch of loving, crazy, hilarious people that I'm extremely proud and lucky to be a part of! Thank you too everyone I'm privileged to call family!

Day 11 - Thank you to all the Veterans out there who have fought and are fighting for our country! Thank you for my freedom! Thank you for my children's safe country! Thank you and your families for your sacrifices

Day 12 - Hahaha Alexis and I are at Subway before she goes to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. She pulls out our cookies and takes a bite of mine. When I gasp in protest, she looks at me and says, "I'm just testing it to make sure it's not poisoned! I could be saving your life, Mom! - I'm thankful for a sense of humor in anyone, especially when faced with a scary situation like having a tooth pulled.

Day 13 - Today I'm thankful I work somewhere where there's a steam room that I can sit in during my breaks on nights where I have a headache. It helps me relax and I swear it sweats the poisons out! Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Day 14 - Today I'm thankful for fantasy and child innocence. I'm thankful for the excitement that comes after the Tooth Fairy comes and responds to a note you left, or the pleasure of watching a sister's excitement. I'm thinking that Natalie is starting to suspect and figure things out which makes me sad, but I know she'll try to help keep her sister's fantasy world alive for a little bit longer.

Day 15 - Today I'm thankful for wonderful in-laws! They have put up with me for over 13 years, almost six of those living with them! They are wonderful people who have helped me so much over the years!

Day 16 - Today I'm thankful for coffee! I. can't. wake. up. Zzzzzzzzzz

Day 17 - Today I'm thankful to have a roof over my head. Our situation may often be chaotic, but at least we're warm, dry and safe. Unfortunately, that's more than many can say.

Day 18 - I'm thankful for music. Music does so much for us, we can dance to it when we're happy, it lifts us when we're sad, soothes us when we're angry, calms us when we're nervous, distracts us when we're scared, relaxes us when we're annoyed, etc. Music is a wonderful thing!

Day 19 - This is one I've been working on for awhile. I'm very thankful for Peter's employer, Pacific Power Batteries, especially the owner, Steve Ahmann. Peter loves his job, and enjoys going to work every day. But more than that, they are a company that takes care of their employees, as well as their family. That is a special, unique, wonderful company to work for! Steve has done so much for our family, that I am beyond words to express how thankful I am. Thank you so much for taking care of Peter, as well as my family!

Day 20 - I'm thankful I have a reliable, safe car. A car that I KNOW will start every time, a car that will get me from point A to point B without any problems, a car that gets an average of 41.3 mpg. I love my car!

Day 21 - Today I'm double thankful.
       1. I'm thankful for Children's Tylenol that is helping my baby keep her body temperature level so she can be a bit more comfortable while being sick. The switch between extreme shivers to sweating and back again is no fun.  
       2. I'm also getting to help install flooring in the addition. I'm getting to play with power tools! So fun!

Day 22 - Today's thankful moment is not one I'm always thankful for, but today I am. I'm thankful that I'm not committed to a full time job where I would have to call in when I have a sick kid. It is nice to have that flexibility so I can sit up all night and comfort a sick child and not have to worry about work the next day. There's no way I'd be able to function today after two nights of hardly any sleep. In fact, my bed is calling for another nap...

Day 23 - Today I'm thankful for Don Hower and the Cougar Marching Band! If it weren't for the CMB, my husband and I wouldn't be, I wouldn't have the wonderful memories of GAME DAY!, the tunnel, or cold night practices! Today, Don is putting on his last home half time show and is retiring. Congratulations, Don! I'm proud to say I'm a CMB alum and am very thankful for the time that I was fortunate enough to have you as a part of my life.

I missed yesterday. Well I didn't really, I had one all typed up, but I was annoyed and it was sarcastic and snarky, but that's not what this is about so I deleted it. Instead here is one that has the same meaning, just without the snarkiness Day 24 - I'm thankful that we have the freedom of speech. I'm thankful that we're allowed to voice our views on politics, religion, economics, etc. without the fear of persecution.

Day 25 - I'm thankful for the girls' teachers, Mrs. Davis and Mrs. Georgio. They are wonderful, loving, intelligent ladies who I admire very much! Thank you for keeping my girls challenged and for sustaining their interest in their education.

Day 26 - I'm thankful for hugs. They can help in so many situations. Comfort when you're sad or angry, can celebrate with you, soothes when you're ill. I love hugs!

Day 27 - I'm thankful that I've been entrusted to be our parent group's treasurer. I'm really enjoying this responsibility and am enjoying that I'm able to play a more active role in my children's school in this way. I love that I'm a fixture at the school now, how almost all the students know who I am and are excited when they see me! Thank you, Samish Elementary Parent Group for trusting me enough to partake in this role, it means a lot to me!

Day 28 - Happy Thanksgiving to all my family and friends! I hope you all have a wonderful peaceful day! Today I'm thankful for the food on our table. Not just today but every day. It's not usually the fancy, gourmet food, but it fills us up and keeps us going.

Day 29 - Today I'm thankful that the girls both have something they love: skating. I'm thankful for all of their coaches, Dale, Caroline and Toby. They are excellent at challenging my girls and that is so needed! Both of my girls have high self esteem, are confident, and (most of the time) well mannered, and a lot of that, especially the first two, is due to their skating! So thank you! -- And honestly, I'm VERY thankful that they've chosen the same extra curricular to love. My schedule is hectic enough without having to do two different things every week.

Last day; Day 30 - Today I'm thankful that I'm me. I'm not where I'd thought I'd be in life at 30+, but I'm (mostly) happy with where I am. I'm proud to be me and without that, none of my other thankful moments would mean anything!

November of Thanks

A friend of mine is doing a month of thankfulness and posting something she's thankful for everyday of November. I think that that's a great idea!  I started this project on Facebook, and plan to continue it there too, but I thought I’d post it here since there are some people here that aren’t on Facebook and I thought would enjoy reading this too.  It’s not finished (obviously) so keep checking back time to time to catch up.  I can’t promise I’ll update each day, but I’ll try to get the updates on the weekend.

Day 1 - On the day after Halloween, I'm thankful that my sister is so creative and can work wonders with a sewing machine! Thank you, Kathi, for making sure the girls always have a great costume for Halloween!

Day 2 - I am thankful for having a husband who still tells me I'm beautiful, still holds my hand, and loves me almost as much as I love him! Thank you, Peter, for always being there, not only for me, but with me too! And making sure I know you always will.

Day 3 - I'm thankful for my first born Natalie. She is the one who taught me the mothers' love. She is a smart, loving, beautiful young lady. I love her so much!

Day 4 - I'm thankful for my youngest child, Alexis. She is a special young lady! She is intelligent, funny, crazy and caring! She always keeps me on my toes and I love her so very much!

Day 5 - I'm thankful for my parents! I'm proud of the person I am and they've played as integral role in developing me. Thank you Mom and Dad for always supporting me in everything I have done and in everything I've ever wanted to do and be!  I love them so!!!

Day 6 - So I debated about being thankful for the right to vote or that the election is over and that means no more ads! While I am thankful for those, I think I'm going to go a different way.  Today I'm thankful for my father and mother-in-law. They have shared their roof and given us a place to live for the past four years. They help so much with the girls to which I fully appreciate! They have taught me so much and have supported me in so many circumstances. Thank you Bill and Kathy for being so open and loving and wonderful!

Day 7 - I'm thankful for music! There is music for every occasion. Music to brighten your day, to be silly with your children, to dance and feel free, and a million other things!

Day 8 - Today I'm thankful for being able to teach and love my job. Yes it's frustrating at times and there have been times that I've given up on this dream... but I'm never happier than when I'm in a classroom full of eager, youthful minds.

Day 9 - Today, I'm thankful that there are Fridays and weekends! TGIF!

Day 10 - Today I'm thankful for Skagit Skate, and the girls’ skating coaches, Toby, Dale and Caroline! My children are happy, confident young ladies because of all the hard work and dedication they put into skating and they couldn't do it without them! So thank you for making my children have goals and something to work for!

Day 11 - I'm thankful for men and women who are willing to make the necessary sacrifices to go protect our country! That includes men and women who serve AND their families who have to give them up for a time. Thank you for your sacrifices and your dedication!

Day 12 - Today I'm thankful for Mochas and home brewing stations that allow me to make a cup of coffee I like! Mmmmmmm having a black cherry mocha today, and I just might have a blackberry mocha this afternoon!

Day 13 - Today I'm thankful that heads don't actually come off. Today I think I'd actually lose it if it did.... Not quite the post I had planned today, but it's what I'm thankful for this morning.

Day 14 - Today I'm thankful that I have children who genuinely love each other! Yes they argue, some days it seems that's all they do, but then Alexis will help her sister out by changing the wheels on her skates because they're running a little late and Natalie still has to change... or Natalie will sit and read with her sister and help her sound out the tough words. They do play well most of the time. I love watching them interact with each other. They are so lucky to have each other and I hope they always realize their special bond!

Day 15 - Today I'm thankful for my health. Working as a substitute, I get exposed to all sorts of icky germs and often have a cold. But that eventually goes away. I'm thankful that I don't have something that won't go away like cancer, or some other debilitating disease. So to honor that today, I'm going to go donate to a cause that helps people who aren't as lucky.

Day 16 - Today I'm thankful for quick, easy and yummy dinner recipes. I like eating yummy food, I just don't always have the time or patience for it.

Day 17 - Today I'm thankful for stress. It pushes you to your limits. You would never know what you're capable of without it. Right now, my stress level is super high, but hopefully, I'm proving to be an asset and showing my full capabilities!

Day 18 - I'm thankful for the feeling of home! Nowhere else do you get to feel 100% yourself, or feel 100% safe, or have the joys of doing nothing but be with your family! I love home and there's nowhere else I'd rather be!

Day 19 - Today I'm thankful for inspiration and kindness! The following video is wonderful.  Usually I don't watch the viral videos.  I'm so glad I did on this one!
       Sometimes, security cameras catch something totally different.  Watch '2 Shocking!' here :
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YPhWq_T-P8

Day 20 - I'm thankful for Nancy Rigacci, Karen Kanske, and Alicia Robinson. They have been my support, go to for questions, and comic relief the past few weeks! I could not have gotten through this without them! Thank you ladies for all your help and patience with my incessant questions!!! I appreciate you!

Day 21 - Today I'm thankful to have a family. I know I've thanked each one individually, but today I'm thankful for having a family that I belong to. A family that loves me for me, who I can laugh with, cry with, play with, be lazy with! I couldn't have chosen a better family!

Day 22 - Today I'm thankful for open doors and opportunities! I'm in a situation right now where the door is slightly open and I'm pushing as hard as I can to get though! I'm thankful for this opportunity!

Day 23 - I'm thankful for lazy days. Days when there is nothing you HAVE to do; where everything you do is something you want to do. They don't happen often, but are blissful when they do.

Day 24 - I'm thankful for friends who I can rely on. Some of you I haven't talked to or seen in too long, but it's nice to know that you're still there and when we are able to talk/visit it would be like we see each other every day. And others, who are closer, I love our conversations, outings, and dependability! It's reassuring to know that I can ask for help and I'd get it; and vice versa. Thank you to all of my friends, near and far, for being the wonderful people you are!

Day 25 - Today I'm thankful for patience. Today I seriously think I would have exploded without it. It's been a stressful day! And still not over...

Day 26 - Today I'm thankful for fourth grade made up spelling. Some of them you can't help but laugh at, especially when you figure out what its supposed to be. Prize goes to the first person to figure this one out... took me forever to figure out... ''anxzapel'' Good luck! :-)

Day 27 - I'm thankful for Skagit Valley Dimensions Gymnastics. Alexis has been loving her gymnastics class and her teachers. She looks forward to it every week and in the mean time at home, practices and practices her head stands, cartwheels, and sumersaults. She especially loves climbing the rope "super high."

Day 28 - I'm thankful for grandparents. Grandmas who teach an emerging reader expression while reading. Grandmas who teach knitting. Papas who make special lunch trips to McDonalds and sit for hours in the playarea. Grandmas who send random things in the mail just so they would feel special. Grandparents are very wonderful special people!

Day 29 - I'm thankful for craziness. It keeps life from getting dull. I may be drowning because my life is a little too full of craziness, but at least no one can say I'm living a dull, boring, unsubstantial life!

Day 30 - Last day - Today I'm thankful I'm me! Without that, all that other stuff wouldn't exist or matter. I'm a good mom, wife, and all around person! I like the person I've become to be and can't wait to see how I change as time goes on!

My INSANE Life at the Moment

It's been a while since I've updated.... and here's why.... school has started!  And with it, a crazy (even crazier than previous years) schedule.  Here's an idea of what we do every week:

• Natalie is in 3rd grade and Alexis started Kindergarten this year.  Alexis only goes to school half time, which means I have to pick her up off the bus, or arrange to have someone there for her, at 12:30ish.  So everything I have scheduled for the day has to revolve around that.  I love spending the afternoon with her, but I can't wait until she's in school full time too so that that schedule can not be so crazy.
• Subbing - I never know what my week, subbing wise, will be until the week is already over.  There are times when I get called the morning of to sub, so that schedule is always questionable.
• I work at the club 4 days a week.  W-F evenings and Sunday afternoons.  So on days that I both sub and work at the health club, I work 14 hour days with only about 1.5 hours in between to change, eat and visit with the girls.
• On the days/afternoons that I don't work at the health club.... Natalie has skating M, Tue and Sat.  and Alexis has gymnastics on Tues, with the probability of picking up another day in the next month or so.  Tuesdays, I drop Natalie off at skating, make sure she's all ready to go, and then leave her there to take Alexis to gymnastics.  And then I have to go pick Natalie up from skating and rush back before Alexis's class is over to get her.
• That's the weekly occurrences.  But, like a crazy person, I decided to become a part of Samish's Parent Board so there's all the responsibilities of that, as well as be the yearbook coordinator.  I'm a CRAZY woman!!!

This post is more for me later on, so I can look back and say, if I managed to pull that schedule off, then whatever I'm doing at that time shouldn't be that hard.  

Why I am Not Religious

I had an acquaintance ask me today if I believed in God.  When I told her that I am not a religious person, she asked me what that meant.  I told her that I don't know the truth.  I don't know if there is a God or if Jesus was a real person, or if Buddhism or Muslim had it correct.  She proceeded to tell me that I was a heathen, and that I was sure to burn in Hell, but she'd do me the favor of praying for my soul so that God will grant me forgiveness when it comes to my final judgement.

That just FRIES me!  I am not a religious person.  But I don't judge people who disagree with me and are religious.  I don't force my thoughts and beliefs on them.  I actually respect them because they do have their beliefs/values/ethics whatever and follow them, just like, I would hope they respect me for having my beliefs.  It really bugs me when people who disagree, especially in their religious beliefs, are judgmental and offer up their prayers for salvation, when and where they are not asked for.  It doesn't bother me that they believe differently than I do.  I can sit down and have a conversation about what I believe and why I believe and am open to hearing their thoughts too.  But when they force their beliefs on me, and/or tell me I'm a bad person for believing differently than they do, and/or offer to pray for me because they're being judgmental, it really, really, really, really bugs the &$^* out of me.  So....

Here's why I'm not a religious person.

Growing up, I went to church occasionally with my mom.  Neither of my parents were religious (especially not my dad).  But my mom believed that there was a higher being and wanted us (my sister and I) to be able to make our own opinion.  So we'd go to church with friends sometimes.  Many of those times, I noticed that there was a lot of religious bashing.  "All Muslims are evil,"  "Buddhists are uneducated,"  "Jewish people are greedy," etc.  It wasn't only the bashing of different religions vs. Christianity.  I've heard the Catholic vs. Protestant vs. Mormon vs. whatever else there is under the "Christianity" umbrella bashing as well.  Ummmmm hello, those all read the Bible, have the same fundamental beliefs, but just interpret the Bible differently and observe in their own ways.  Is that really a bad thing?  Does that necessarily make that Catholic man more right/wrong than that Mormon woman?  Maybe all the Christians have it wrong.  Maybe Buddhism, or Hinduism, or Muslim is the accurate religion.  The thing is, no one knows for sure!  Many times the term "faith" is used to say that the person is religious, but by its very own definition, "faith" is a belief based on the unknown or unproven.  It's a blind belief on what you think happened.  And the thing is, I don't know what to believe.  Do I believe that there is a god?  Yes.  But is that god the Christian "God", the Buddhist "Buddha", the Muslim "Allah" or some other religion's "God" or some god that doesn't have a religion?  The answer is I don't know and neither does anyone else for sure.

And another thing I just want to put out there, because sometimes, when I've talked to people about this, I get the "How can you think that Muslim is a religion that can be correct?  They're all bombers and are all evil."  So here are my thoughts on that.... Sure Muslims have their extremists who do horrible things in the name of their religion, but so do the Christians.  Does Westboro Baptist Church ring any bells?  Every religion has their wackos who take their beliefs and values too far to the extreme.  Does that make one religion better than others?  In my book, no it does not... It just makes those wackos, wackos who like to use their religion to do bad things.

So there you have it.  I am not a religious person.  Think of me as you will.  Will you respect me and my beliefs?  Or, like the woman I mentioned at the beginning of this post, will you judge me and pray for my salvation?  If you do pray for me, that's your right and I encourage you to do so, just please, don't tell me, because I'm not asking for it.  Thanks!

Bucket List Update

Our summer has flown by!  Our summer bucket list hasn't had much progress.  Much of that is due to the busyness and the extra things I didn't have planned that we had to do during the week as well, such as Alexis starting gymnastics once a week, Natalie being in therapy twice a week and her skating twice a week.  Honestly, those things have taken up so much of my/our time, the bucket list has taken a back burner.  But there have been a few things that we've been able to cross off:

• Have a Disney movie marathon - During one of the really hot days this week, the girls and I stayed indoors and they dressed up like princesses and we watched a lot of princess movies!  It was a lot of fun!  Notice in the picture that the girls are wearing headbands a little weirdly.... They couldn't find any of their princess crowns, so Natalie came up with the idea to wear the headbands as crowns instead.  A little bit of ingenuity!

• Picnic at the park - Well technically it was a picnic at the beach, but that still counts right??? Maybe in the next few weeks we still have of summer, we'll go to the park for a picnic too.....

• Go putt putt golfing

That's all we've done.  Unfortunately, there are a few things that will not be able to get done this summer.

• Go for a hike once a week... that's only 11 hikes - The first couple weeks, we tried, but the weather was always uncooperative and wasn't condusive for hiking.  After that, I just gave up on this one.
• Get Alexis out of Pull Ups at night - She just isn't quite ready.... :(
• Learn Spanish
• Sew curtains for the living room, dining room, and the girls' room - Hahahahaha I should have known this one was too ambitious.... lol
• Zip Lining with Peter - I didn't realize how EXPENSIVE zip lining is..... sigh.....
• Lose 10-15 pounds - I've tried, but with all the other stuff going on, my workouts (and diet change) have not been what I've wanted them to be, BUT I have lost 5 pounds, so that's not too bad.... 

There are a few others that probably won't get done, but they're not impossible to get done, so maybe with a little focus, they will.

A New Chapter

Ever since I made my decision a strange calm had fallen over me.  A peace.  As heartbreaking, and difficult, as that decision was, it was a relief to not be stressing and worrying over it.

I've been putting a lot of thought into what I want to do.  Do I want to leave the teaching realm altogether?  Or do I want to try to do something related/involved with children?  I decided I'd rather do something related with children since that really is my passion.  At first I thought about opening a franchise of a teaching store; the kind of store that sells fun teaching things like bulletin boarders, and note pads, and awards, and a whole lot of other things.  I love those stores and the closest one in this area is in Bellingham.  But that wouldn't give me the interaction with the kids.

So I kept thinking, and someone briefly mentioned that I should start a preschool.  I loved that idea!  So I've started the process of opening and running my own preschool and daycare!  The process has just started, so I don't know all the details.  Yesterday I took the first step.  There is an orientation that you have to go to to be able to even apply for a day care license.  There was a lot of useful information (and a lot of helpful resources) at this orientation.  It will be a long, hard process, but I think I'm up for the challenge, a new challenge!

A VERY Difficult Decision

In May 2005 I achieved the first step in obtaining my dream.  I graduated with a  teaching degree.  Being a teacher has been my dream since I was in 3rd grade!  I had an awesome teacher in 3rd and 4th grade and she inspired me to want to do the same for children that she did for me!  She was wonderful!  As long as I can remember, I've worked towards being a teacher.  In highschool I tutored children during the summers, I volunteered at the elementary school during my Junior and Senior years.  On that day in May, when I got my teaching degree, I was so proud!  For the past 7 years, I've been subbing... well for a few months in there I taught in a pre school and then took some time to be a new mom to Alexis... But for the most part I've subbed those 7 years; 4 of those years I've devoted to Sedro Woolley, a wonderful district that I'd love to teach in.  Of course, I've been looking and applying for jobs so I can have my own classroom.  That would be a total dream come true!  However, this economy and all the school budget cuts that have come with it have made that more than difficult. 

This summer, I've been applying for positions as far south as Southern Seattle and as far north as Blaine.  I've applied for more than 20 teaching positions; 7 in Sedro Woolley alone.  I have received 0 calls for interviews and many (about 20) rejection letters or emails.  Honestly, I'm most upset about not getting any calls for interviews from Sedro Woolley.  I've spent so much time in the district, I'm the #1 sub for many teachers, I've gotten many of those teachers to write letters of recommendation and a principal as well.  I'm a good teacher!  Why didn't I get at least an interview anywhere?  I'd be OK with at least an interview.  I've had many, many, many people look at my resume and cover letter; teachers, principals, friends, my manager at work, and they've all told me that I have a great resume and cover letter.  So why am I not getting ANY calls? 

It's come to the point that I have to start thinking, maybe, no matter how badly I want it, maybe teaching isn't meant for me.  As much as that breaks my heart to say, and as I'm bawling right now writting this, I can't help but wonder.  So I've made the difficult, and heart breaking decision, to try to find full time employment outside of teaching.  I don't know what or where I want to look.  I do know, I'd rather not be anywhere in retail, at least not out on the sales floor.  I really like doing the administrative stuff at the health club, so maybe I'll look into that field.  Maybe I'll talk to my boss at the health club and maybe she'll have a full time position I can step into.  Maybe I'll look into going back to school.  I'm just to the point that I cannot be in the unknown position I've been in the last 4 years.  Soon we'll be taking over house payments and I cannot afford to not be working, or the inconsistancy of subbing anymore.  I want to be working, I want to have consistancy, I want to have dinner and my weekends with my family!  So, until I do find a full time job, I will continue subbing, but I will be actively looking for a full time position elsewhere.