A VERY Difficult Decision

In May 2005 I achieved the first step in obtaining my dream.  I graduated with a  teaching degree.  Being a teacher has been my dream since I was in 3rd grade!  I had an awesome teacher in 3rd and 4th grade and she inspired me to want to do the same for children that she did for me!  She was wonderful!  As long as I can remember, I've worked towards being a teacher.  In highschool I tutored children during the summers, I volunteered at the elementary school during my Junior and Senior years.  On that day in May, when I got my teaching degree, I was so proud!  For the past 7 years, I've been subbing... well for a few months in there I taught in a pre school and then took some time to be a new mom to Alexis... But for the most part I've subbed those 7 years; 4 of those years I've devoted to Sedro Woolley, a wonderful district that I'd love to teach in.  Of course, I've been looking and applying for jobs so I can have my own classroom.  That would be a total dream come true!  However, this economy and all the school budget cuts that have come with it have made that more than difficult. 

This summer, I've been applying for positions as far south as Southern Seattle and as far north as Blaine.  I've applied for more than 20 teaching positions; 7 in Sedro Woolley alone.  I have received 0 calls for interviews and many (about 20) rejection letters or emails.  Honestly, I'm most upset about not getting any calls for interviews from Sedro Woolley.  I've spent so much time in the district, I'm the #1 sub for many teachers, I've gotten many of those teachers to write letters of recommendation and a principal as well.  I'm a good teacher!  Why didn't I get at least an interview anywhere?  I'd be OK with at least an interview.  I've had many, many, many people look at my resume and cover letter; teachers, principals, friends, my manager at work, and they've all told me that I have a great resume and cover letter.  So why am I not getting ANY calls? 

It's come to the point that I have to start thinking, maybe, no matter how badly I want it, maybe teaching isn't meant for me.  As much as that breaks my heart to say, and as I'm bawling right now writting this, I can't help but wonder.  So I've made the difficult, and heart breaking decision, to try to find full time employment outside of teaching.  I don't know what or where I want to look.  I do know, I'd rather not be anywhere in retail, at least not out on the sales floor.  I really like doing the administrative stuff at the health club, so maybe I'll look into that field.  Maybe I'll talk to my boss at the health club and maybe she'll have a full time position I can step into.  Maybe I'll look into going back to school.  I'm just to the point that I cannot be in the unknown position I've been in the last 4 years.  Soon we'll be taking over house payments and I cannot afford to not be working, or the inconsistancy of subbing anymore.  I want to be working, I want to have consistancy, I want to have dinner and my weekends with my family!  So, until I do find a full time job, I will continue subbing, but I will be actively looking for a full time position elsewhere.