Scared... Inspired... Determined...

I didn't know which one to title this post, so you get all of them. They're all accurate so it works that they're all in the title.

Scared: I weighed myself today and I'm just 5 pounds from being at the weight I promised myself I'd never get to. 5 pounds! Right now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life, including when I was 9 months pregnant. If I don't do something now, I'm going to hit that mark that I told myself I'd never get to, and who knows when I'll stop. I don't want to become a person who can't play with her kids, or has to ride in a motorized cart at the grocery store, because she's too fat and doesn't have the energy.

Inspired: There is a lady at the health club that I work at that has met a very, very impressive goal. Last year, at this very time, she was very heavy, like over 300 pounds heavy. On November 4, 2008 she set a goal for herself, to lose 100 pounds in a year. She not only has met that, she has surpassed that! A week ago, when I last spoke with her, she had lost 115 pounds!

Determined: Now I don't have 100 pounds to lose. But I could lose 50. So here is my goal. I'm going to lose 50 pounds in 6 months. If she can do 100 in 12 months, then I can and will do 50 in 6!

Here's the thing. I didn't get to this point because I love to workout and hold myself accountable. Frankly, I'm just the opposite. I hate to workout! You'd think that since I work at a health club, and have a free membership because of that, it'd be easy for me to get in and use the facilities. But that's not the case. Part of it is that now with teaching so much and then going to the club afterwards three nights a week, plus a Saturday, I don't want to take any more time from the girls. Another part of it is that I work there. You'll always hear people who work in retail that they hate to shop in their store on their days off. It's no different for me at the health club. I already spend so much time there, I have a hard time coming in to work out. But I realize those are just excuses. No more! Tomorrow I'm going in to sign up for bootcamp this month and see if I can maybe do that for all six months. The health club has this thing where you can sign up and workout with a group with one of our trainers in a high intensity workout. They meet twice a week for an hour each time. That would mean at least two hours that I'm currently not doing now. It would have to help! I'm hoping that having something that will keep me accountalbe to showing up will help me actually show up and do the workouts! Today I went out and bought a kettle ball to do at home workouts. There are so many excercises you can do with a kettle ball that I don't think I'll ever get bored with it. At work, at the health club, I will do a 10 minute walk on the treadmill, bike, or whatever cardio machine I can get on during my break!

A friend and I have a private blog that we had started to help encourage each other to keep up the good work and lose weight. We started out OK, but we both just quit doing it. So I'm making my journey public. I think I'll post pictures there of my progress, and maybe put my actual weight there so that those aren't quite as public, but I will occassionally update this to let you know how I'm doing. But I need your help. I need your help keeping me accountable. Ask me occassionally how I'm doing. Encourage me, especially when I'm thinking that this is going to be impossible, because there will be those times. Thank you in advance and here's to me becomming a better, healthier person!

On an unrelated side note: We had a fun and adventure filled Halloween weekend! I will post more about it tomorrow and I will make a new slide show to show off costumes and some of the activities the girls did!